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Jada Batista

I inhale you on the coldest nights
Where the world is too quiet and it’s just us
A venom passing through my lips and setting a fire in my lungs, my heart.
I never felt what it could be like to not have you on these days
The days where the world is in a constant spiral and you slowly
sink yourself into my
You’re the reason there are addicts in this world

I crave you and want you when the box goes empty.
I try a different brand, but it doesn’t taste the same as you
It doesn’t warm me and even though you could see the scars and
burn marks off of my
leathery skin, no one brings me life like you do.
I know you’re bad for me

Knowing that i’m slowly killing myself as I stay with you
How it seems like even on the brightest of days if I’m without
you it feels like my stomach
has sunken in caving in on itself and I go out again to find you

That’s why whenever I walk my feet seem to have memorized all
the ways to get to you
How wherever I go I look and see you there
You visit me in my dreams and I wonder how you traveled to see
me there,
What journey did you have to make it to me
Do you crave me the same way I do to you?
Do your eyes follow mine when I’m there

Do you search for me in the crowd hoping to catch a glimpse,
like I do to you?

The first mistake I made was becoming too dependent on
someone that hurt me.
It hurts to love you
So why do I continue to inhale you?
The smoke consuming me
I’m beyond saving and there are no interventions
But baby, you make me feel like a god
Feeling like there is no way that others could understand that
high you give me
It’s otherworldly
That’s why whenever I lose you
Theres a crash and theres an emptiness that envelopes me
As if I had lost you again in this life

Because In the past
I was Lucifer that fell in love with Gods greatest angel and we
were unable to be together
And when time passed you were cleopatra and I only, a humble
servant stealing glances
at your beauty until you were gone too fast
The next life I passed by you unknowingly in the parks of New
York City
Too busy to look up to see you and I wonder if I did, would it
change where we are now
I try to solve this hole with others, but they’re not you
This new life, has not treated us kindly
Laughing in our faces as when they place us together
Knowing in this life we could never be happy

So I choose to rid the cigarette boxes
I open the windows, letting the smoke escape.

This is my healing
And when my fingers twitch to find you
I’ll resist you, chewing on gum until my jaw sore
Until there is no flavor left to chew
This is my rehab
Would I be the same and would I fight against you if I see you
And so I... Exhale you out
Finally being able to breathe.

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